End Zone Heat Read online

  Out here in the quiet of the morning, his thoughts finally gave him some peace. He wasn’t fretting over the upcoming playoff game. He wasn’t torturing himself over his love life. He wasn’t filled with regrets for his failures.

  If this was the kind of peace Dyson brought into Adam’s life, he could get used to it. He could really get used to it and very quickly.

  But it was too soon to believe that peace was true. He would need to wait and see. Hell, for all he knew, this could be a one-night stand. And wasn’t that an ugly thought?

  He was halfway through his coffee when he heard the balcony door open behind him. Dyson joined him, sitting in the seat next to him and holding a cup of coffee.

  “Morning, sexy,” Dyson said in a voice still rough with sleep.

  Adam grinned. So, maybe not a one-night stand after all. He could get used to Dyson calling him pet names. “Hey, there, Mr. Bodyguard. Sleep well after keeping me safe?”

  “Yeah. I did.” That sexy smirk appeared on his face. “I was about as close as a bodyguard could get, don’t you think?”

  “I couldn’t agree more, and I loved it.”

  They sat together, sipping their coffee in easy, comfortable silence.

  Finally, Dyson sighed. “This really is a great view of the city. I know I’m repeating myself, but I can’t get used to it.”

  “I love it at night the most. But in the mornings on a beautiful day when the air is clear? Yeah, it’s amazing.”

  They were quiet for a bit, listening to the city, watching the sunrise colors on the Dallas buildings.

  Adam turned to Dyson. A question had been simmering in his mind since the moment the other man had joined him on the balcony. “So what happens now?”

  Dyson rubbed his chin and sighed. “I know we didn’t talk about it last night. Too busy, I guess.”

  Adam snorted, remembering what they’d been too busy doing. “I punched you in the face.”

  “It was a good punch.”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  Dyson chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve been punched. It won’t be the last.”

  “Your counterpunch was pretty damn amazing,” Adam said with a smirk.

  “You mean my ninja kiss? I invented that move on the fly.”

  They were quiet for a moment, both of them grinning. But Adam wanted to push for more. He really needed to understand this, especially after how vicious the words they’d said to each other had been.

  “I have practice in a couple of hours,” Adam said softly. “Before we go, I want to know where we stand. Especially after the things we said. And the punches thrown.”

  “Sure. But I need to warn you—I’m not great at words. Not like you.”

  “Like me?”

  “Yeah. Don’t deny it. I’ve heard a few interviews. You have a way with words. I don’t.”

  Adam shrugged, both pleased and embarrassed by the praise. “It’s something you get used to after doing it for a long time. Don’t worry. I’m in no position to judge.”

  “It’s not judging I’m worried about. It’s saying something wrong when it was important to say something right.”

  “I understand completely. And I think you underestimate your ability to find the right words.”

  “Maybe.” Dyson took a sip of coffee and blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry for coming after you so hard last night. I had no right to do that. It was a mistake. A big one.”

  The fact that the other man was apologizing to him touched him. Men didn’t do apologies well. Even the best of them. Not in Adam’s experience anyway. Too much pride, too much challenge, too much fear of looking weak. But Dyson was being so open with him now.

  It was this openness that Adam realized he wanted. Even more than the sex—as incredible as that had been. He had friends. Lots of them. But this intimacy was something new. He certainly didn’t have it with the women he dated and strung along. He didn’t have it with the other guys, who treated him like just another of the guys. He’d even been wary of growing too close to his male friends like Kenyan and Anthony and Gavin.

  Why? Because he was afraid of slipping and saying something that would reveal the truth about him.

  He was afraid that he would reveal that he was a liar. Afraid to reveal who he truly was inside. So he was nothing but a coward.

  “It was hard for me to admit,” Adam said slowly. “But there’s something about you that made me feel I could trust you.”

  A look of pain crossed Dyson’s face. “And I screwed it all up by getting right in your face about how you were still in the closet.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “Damn it.”

  Adam reached out and put a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. “It hurt so much because you were right.” He drew back, turning his gaze out to the city because he suddenly couldn’t meet Dyson’s eyes. “I am a fraud. A liar.”

  “Listen. Don’t put all of this on you,” Dyson rumbled in his deep voice. “I should’ve understood what it was like for you. Just because my situation was different doesn’t mean I have the right to judge everyone else in the world.” Now it was Dyson who placed a comforting hand on Adam. He gave him a half-smile, his eyes kind. “My hot button issue is liars and hypocrites. But I went way overboard.”

  Adam snorted and gave back a sour smile. “I guess that makes us terrible for each other. Because I’ve been lying for years.”

  “Or maybe it makes us perfect for each other. Maybe this is going to show me how things are more complex than the black-and-white way I like to think about them. Maybe it will finally slap some empathy into me.”

  They both fell silent, the words heavy in the air. Adam was impressed. He couldn’t help it. This man was something special. Not only had he apologized, but he was also making a real effort to understand. A real effort to be supportive.

  That meant so much to Adam. The feeling was so powerful that he wasn’t able to put it into words.

  But he needed to get one thing clear before he risked losing his heart to this man. Because he could feel that was what would happen if this went on from here. His heart was vulnerable. He was desperate for this relationship. And that was setting him up for a lot of risk and pain if he wasn’t careful.

  The scary thing was, he didn’t want to be careful. Not one bit.

  “I’m not going to have a big press conference announcing I’m gay,” Adam warned. “I’m not coming out. I can’t have this kind of distraction for the team right now. I know that sounds selfish, but this isn’t just about me.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” He frowned at Dyson. “Because I want to be with you. I want this to continue. Hell, I want it so bad that it aches inside me. But I won’t risk the team and the fans. I know that sounds stupid and, yeah, selfish as hell. I know other people believe the gay community needs heroes, and they’d believe I was betraying that community. But I’m not ready.”

  “It’s a big step. I get that. I’ve been out since I was a teen, so it’s like…I don’t know. Like armor for me now. And it helps that I’m a big and scary-looking ex-Army Ranger.”

  Adam chuckled. “Yeah. That’s true.”

  He was almost desperately glad that Dyson seemed to understand him now. He didn’t want a repeat of the fight they’d had last night. He wanted only the aftermath. The kissing and then the incredible sex. But wasn’t that selfish too? Shit. He was getting himself all tangled up with these thoughts. It was all so much to take in.

  On top of that, it was all dangerous. Not just a risk to his reputation or whatever, but a risk to the team and the people who counted on him.

  “The future…” Adam said. “I can’t imagine that far ahead. I can only see to the next game, which we must win.”

  “I get it, Adam. I do. I want this too. You’re an incredible guy. Driven. Dedicated. Passionate. But kind too. Kind and caring.” Dyson paused, meeting his gaze. “But I do have one condition.”

  Adam tensed, hi
s stomach tightening. “What’s that?”

  “No more women. That’s my rule. I’ll go along with a secret love affair…for now. But no women. It’s not fair to them. It’s not fair to me. And it’s not fair to you.”

  Adam leaned back and closed his eyes, emotion coiling inside him. “Yeah. You’re right.” He rubbed a hand over his face and let out a long breath. “You’re right.”

  Dyson stood, grinning, and slapped him on the back. “Now, let me introduce you to the other upside of having me around.”

  “You mean something other than having you watch my ass?” He smirked. “And I do mean the double-entendre.”

  “That’s advantage one. The other upside is simpler. I cook a mean breakfast. I know you have access to all these fancy chefs, but sometimes you just need some bacon, eggs, toast, and orange juice.”

  “Sounds perfect.” And he meant every word.

  His enthusiasm made Dyson grin.

  “What’s that cliché?” Dyson said. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?”

  As he spoke, Dyson gave him a lingering, scorching-hot look that heated Adam’s blood and had him wanting to tackle Dyson and wrestle him back into the bedroom to continue the fun.

  He held himself in check. For now. Because he really was hungry.

  But later, he was going to pounce. Now that he had this man in his life, he was going to get all he could. He had a lot of years to make up for.

  Was that selfish? Probably. No, definitely.

  But right now, he didn’t care.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  DYSON

  Adam took him out for a run that evening. He drove them out to the Oak Cliff Nature Preserve. They stripped down to running gear and took to the trail.

  Dyson was in pretty good shape, but he had to push hard to keep up with Adam as they ran along the lush green trail through the woods. Ivy covered the ground in the shaded areas on either side of the worn trail. They jogged five or so miles, then began to walk to cool down again.

  “I guess it’s no surprise you’re in great shape,” Dyson said, still breathing far heavier than Adam was. They had stopped in the shade of a clearing off one of the looping trails.

  “I’m a pro athlete. I practically run for a living.” He paused, considering it. “Actually, these days it’s more like I run from defensive ends and linebackers for a living.”

  Dyson wiped sweat from his face. Maybe he needed to cut back on the weights and do more jogging and cardio. Adam had done his running with a pack on his back. He opened it, pulled out two bottles of water, and tossed one to Dyson.

  He managed to catch it. The water tasted good going down. He wiped his mouth and gave the pack the side-eye. “Are you showing off, running around with a bunch of extra weight on your back?”

  Adam made a show of flexing. “Is it that obvious? I’m humble bragging. Does that turn you on?”

  Dyson laughed. Adam could be a pain in his ass, but he had a wacky sense of humor. There didn’t seem to be an egotistical bone in his body. Yeah, he trained hard. He drove himself hard. And he strove to be the best. But that didn’t seem to go to his head.

  And that was pretty impressive. Especially since Dyson had been dealing with the exact opposite for most of his bodyguard career.

  “By the way,” Adam continued. “I got a text from Max. He’s done with the alterations. A courier will be delivering the suits tonight.”

  “I’m still staggered that you bought me two designer suits.” He struggled to convey how much that generosity meant to him. He didn’t want to gush or make things uncomfortable. Especially considering the amount of money Adam had spent. “Thank you.”

  Part of Dyson felt like it was too much. He felt like he hadn’t earned it and didn’t deserve it.

  But he’d managed to find some peace in thinking about it from Adam’s point of view. The man clearly wanted to do this for Dyson. It was a show of gratitude. So Dyson told himself to get out of the way, show some gratitude, and let it all happen.

  “You’re definitely welcome. But considering you saved my ass and got hurt doing it, I’m not sure it’s anywhere near enough.”

  Dyson watched as Adam took a deep drink from his water bottle. A feeling of deep affection and tenderness for the quarterback flared inside him. And lust. There was always plenty of that. Adam’s short hair was dark and spiky with sweat. He looked so damn attractive that Dyson couldn’t keep his hands off him.

  He stepped up behind Adam and planted a kiss on his neck. He tasted salt from Adam’s sweat. He pushed his groin up against Adam’s tight, muscular ass and slipped his arms around his incredible body.

  But Adam moved away from him, wiping sweat from his face. His expression was guarded.

  “What’s wrong?” Dyson asked, although it didn’t take a genius to guess the problem. “No one’s around.”

  “I reek.”

  Dyson snorted. “I reek too. I don’t care. You shouldn’t either.”

  “When I get you home, I’ll make it up to you big time. I’ll suck you off so good you’ll be seeing heaven.”

  “Sounds like the perfect plan,” he shot back, keeping a grin on his face. But it bothered him that Adam was so secretive about their desires, despite the fact they had only seen a couple of hikers and three people on mountain bikes.

  A look of anger crossed Adam’s face. He ran a hand through his hair with a growl, clenching his fingers in the short hair. “No. That’s bullshit. I’m an ass. I need to stop.”

  Dyson put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze. He hated to see Adam all torn up like this. “Talk to me, man.”

  This time, Adam didn’t draw away. “I need to get my shit together. I want this so bad. Then I do everything I can to sabotage it because I’m a fucking coward hiding in the closet. Same old story. Blah, blah, blah.”

  The pain in his voice hurt Dyson’s heart. He wanted to make this right somehow. He needed to help this man.

  But he had to be careful. There was a lot of pain and hurt here, and he didn’t know exactly how to proceed. Make a wrong move and it would be like stepping on a landmine. Everything could blow up in their faces.

  “Tell me,” he urged Adam. “Talk to me. Why do you care so much what other people think of you? Only the people I deeply care about matter to me. And one of those people is you.”

  That brought a fleeting smile to Adam’s face. But it was there and gone quickly. He ran a hand through his hair again, shaking his head.

  “I don’t know. It sounds stupid. It…” He cursed and slammed the water bottle back in his pack.

  Dyson only waited, giving his quiet support. He silently willed the other man to open up to him. He knew there were reasons why Adam had spent so much time, effort, and money pretending to be a ladies’ man. It wasn’t just to protect the team. Knowing the reasons behind it would help him understand this man even more.

  Because he cared. He really did.

  “I told you I lost my mom to cancer before I made it through college. She didn’t get to see me make it in pro football. She gave everything to her kids, but she didn’t get to see the big payoff for all her hard work.”

  “I’m sorry, man. I really am. And I get it.” He could see how something like that would weigh on a person. Some events and outcomes cast a long shadow over a person’s life. He knew that as well as anyone. He’d spent time in combat zones. He’d lost friends, fellow soldiers.

  Adam met his stare as if evaluating whether or not Dyson was just mouthing words or if he truly understood. But whatever he saw in Dyson’s eyes seemed to reassure him. He nodded and went on.

  “That’s bad enough, and you don’t know the rest of it.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I never got the chance to tell her I was gay. I…I hid it from her. I was afraid of what she’d say. That maybe… I don’t know. Maybe she would want me to give her grandkids or something, and she’d hate me for being this way. It’s stupid. But I missed my chance. And then she was g
one.”

  Dyson kept quiet, letting him get out the pain. He wished there was some way he could make this right, but now he had to focus on helping Adam deal with his pain and regrets.

  After a second or so, Adam did go on. “I don’t know why it bothers me so much. But since then, I’ve doubled down on this lie I’ve been living, always wondering if she would’ve hated me more for what I am…or what I was trying to be. Or worse, if she’d be disappointed in me. And I can’t help thinking that everyone else I know, everyone else out there would feel the same way.”

  “You loved your mom?” Dyson asked quietly.

  “Of course,” Adam replied, looking startled by the question.

  “Then believe in her. Believe she would’ve continued to love you. The real you. No matter what.” He gave Adam’s shoulder another reassuring squeeze. “I get it. Not knowing haunts you. But when you’re ready to move on, you won’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here to support you.” He chuckled a little and rubbed his chin. “Hell, I’m grateful for the chance, especially after I made such a judgmental ass out of myself when you first opened up to me.”

  “I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to get over this. I feel weak. And I hate feeling weak. I’m used to being a competitor. To pushing myself. Striving to be the best. But I can’t even come out and show the world the real me because I’m afraid it will divide the team. Hurt my teammates.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “And hurt me.”

  “You can trust me, Adam. I’m not going to push you into doing anything you don’t want to. I’ll be patient. We’ll get through this in your time.”

  “And if I’m never ready to come out? What then?”

  “That’s your choice. I’m not going to let it change how I feel about you.”

  “Thanks, man. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

  He thought he did, though, and that was fine. If this was one way he could show how much Adam meant to him, then he was more than willing to do it.