Three Irish Brothers: A Reverse Harem Romance (Quick & Dirty Book 1) Page 7
Savannah
The next morning, my car is fixed and delivered to the farmhouse. Surprisingly, no one says anything about it. Killian says nothing about me leaving. I don’t bring it up. Thankfully I’ve somehow earned a reprieve. But it feels tenuous.
I mentioned to Killian last night that I wanted to clear out the back garden and plant vegetables and herbs. Killian just grunted at me. I took that as a no.
But this morning when I step out onto the lawn, there are several bags of mulch and seeds waiting for me. The sight makes my chest fill with warmth.
I feel a soothing presence at my side. I know instantly it’s Aiden. I turn to him with a smile on my face. “Hey, you.”
“You need help today?” he asks with his hands. He looks so boyishly cute with his hair flopping over the front of his forehead.
My heart warms even further. Any time I need help, it seems one of these boys shows up.
I nod. “I want to prepare the garden for planting.”
He purses his mouth, and my gaze lands on those perfect full lips. “I guess we’ll need to weed and…”
It’s clear he’s not much of a gardener.
“It’s okay. I know what to do,” I say to his obvious relief.
I set us both to work, showing him the weeds and how to dig them out by the roots so they don’t grow back. We work to clear the garden as the sun above peeks out between fast-moving white clouds.
We break for morning tea. I bring out tea and chocolate chip cookies that I made yesterday when I was avoidabaking. Aiden and I sit on the wrought iron bench down in a far corner.
Aiden shoves a whole cookie into his mouth and moans with happiness.
“How does a city girl know so much about gardening?” he signs as he munches away.
I take a small bite of my own cookie before answering. “My sister, Catherine, had a small garden where she lived. She loved to garden and I helped her with it when I went to visit her on the weekends.”
Aiden frowns. “Your sister didn’t live with you?”
I shake my head, feeling the tightening sting at my jaw. I sign to him because I’m afraid to speak. “My parents were embarrassed that they had a deaf, mute daughter. They sent her away to live in a facility outside of the city.”
Aiden’s mouth drops open, his hands jerky as he signs back, clearly agitated. “Your parents sent their child away?”
I make a face. “Their precious perfect image among New York’s elite was more important.”
“What…” he halts.
“…assholes.” I finish for him. “You can say it.”
He stares at me, cookies forgotten. He wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his side. He can’t communicate sitting this way. So I know this soothing hug is all for me. He is silencing himself for me.
His lips brush my forehead. I let out a sigh, melting against him, taking the comfort he is offering me, letting him tuck me into this quiet safe space. I never want to leave.
I feel something unbuckling inside me. I feel this broken part of me crying out to be heard. I’d never told any of my friends back home about this, not C.C., not even Theo.
But I want to tell Aiden.
“When I went away to college, I had less time for Catherine,” I say, my mouth filling up with bitter guilt. “Every weekend turned into every other weekend, which turned into once a month…then even less. I should have known that something wasn’t right…”
I feel him tense as I prepare myself to admit the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I remembered the day that I found out. I’d been at college, flirting with some stupid boy when I’d gotten the call on my phone from my mother.
“One of the staff members was abusing her. Coming into her room at night and raping her. She couldn’t even scream. Couldn’t tell me because that asshole made sure he never left the two of us alone when I did visit. She couldn’t take it anymore so one day she… she hung herself using her bedsheets.”
Instead of sadness, a numbness steals over me. I feel disconnected. Floating out of my body. It is the same numbness I felt when I found Theo with C.C. I guess it’s how I deal with things that are too painful. I don’t feel them at all.
What kind of unfeeling monster does that make me?
I feel hands on the sides of my face and I blink, coming back into my body. Aiden is holding my face, gazing into my eyes, coaxing me back to him.
He pulls his hands back and signs so I can see them. “Her death is not your fault.”
“I should have known something was wrong.”
“It is not your fault.”
“I wasn’t there for her. I didn’t pay enough attenti—”
“Stop! It is not your fault.”
The numbness cracks under the weight of his words. Like boiling water over ice, the guilt I’d been carrying for years caves in. I fall against his strong chest, crying silently, shaking as his arms slide around me.
He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. His hands rub slowly across my back and over my hair, soothing me.
Slowly my crying subsides.
“I probably look a mess,” I say with a half sob, half laugh.
Aiden gives me the softest smile. “You look beautiful. You always look beautiful.”
My heart almost gives out. Aiden is such a beautiful soul. So kind and compassionate. I want to lose myself in his arms. To drown myself in his molten chocolate eyes.
My gaze drops to his mouth, perfectly formed with a Cupid’s bow, full bottom lip. I want to taste his mouth, to lick across those wordless lips.
Oh God.
I want to kiss Aiden.
I want to kiss him even though I was kissing Fionn yesterday.
I tear my eyes away from his lips and stand, forcing a smile to my face. “We should get back to work.”
I keep my eyes averted from Aiden so I can’t see what he’s signing to me, effectively cutting off conversation with him, silencing him. I hate myself for it but I just can’t deal with what almost happened.
How could I want both brothers?
I can sense the disappointment rolling off Aiden and he attempts to catch my eye a few times, but I pretend I don’t see his hands waving.
I plow all my guilt into getting the garden ready for planting. And try to forget what I almost let happen.
Savannah
That evening Fionn doesn’t show up for dinner again. I notice Killian frowning as he glances over to the empty seat, then he looks at me. I tear my eyes away and stare at my plate, avoiding Killian’s eye. I can’t stand the accusation in them. Like Fionn pulling away just when the two brothers seemed to have turned a corner is my fault.
It is my fault.
Just as wanting to kiss Aiden is my fault.
I sense Aiden watching me at dinner too. I don’t meet his eye, either.
Needless to say, dinner is a silent affair.
I make a plate and cover it with plastic wrap, then leave it in the fridge for Fionn when he comes home. If he comes home. I guess it’s a peace offering of sorts.
Later, I’m sitting in the treehouse again as the sun dips towards the horizon. Here in summer, the sun sets at around ten pm. I came up here after dinner yesterday to avoid Fionn because I didn’t know what I was feeling, because I promised myself I’d never get involved with my boss again. Now I’m sitting up here because I’m avoiding Fionn and Aiden.
How is it possible that I like both of them the way I do? How can I want them both?
I hear steps up the ladder.
It’s Killian. And he’s not surprised to see me. He smiles as if he’s happy I’m here. In some way, I want his company, too. I didn’t want to sit by myself and get lost in my own thoughts. I think that’s why I came back here.
I shuffle over and he slides into the spot next to me, our shoulders touching again. I instantly feel better. Killian’s presence is like a rock, strong and sturdy, something I can hang on to, something I can rely on.
“What for?”
“The mulch and seeds for the garden.”
He nods his head. “I should be thanking you. That back garden has looked a sight for ages.”
I laugh. “It still looks a sight.”
“You’ll have it looking grand in no time.”
I smile. “Is that an actual compliment, Killian O’Callaghan?”
“Don’t get used to it,” he deadpans. “You only get one a year.”
I laugh out loud. Did Killian actually make a joke?
I nudge him with my shoulder and he grins back at me. He looks suddenly younger. Lighter. I like seeing him this way.
He asks a little bit more about my life back in New York. I tell him about my old job, about my old friends and about Theo.
As I speak he remains silent. I like the way Killian listens. With a slight furrow between his brows, his gaze steady on me, I know he’s really listening. Absorbing every word as if they are all important. He doesn’t cut in with his own stories or interject with comments. He just takes it all in.
Before he speaks, he pauses, sometimes for a long time, and I can tell he’s thinking, really thinking, about everything I’ve just said, considering every word then carefully constructing a response.
Theo never listened to me this way. I don’t think anyone has ever listened to me this way.
I feel raw and open when I finish talking, but I see no judgment on Killian’s face. I am safe with him.
“You still love him?” Killian finally asks about Theo.
“No. I don’t think I ever loved him, not really.”
“Why did you say yes?”
I let out a sigh. “I loved the fantasy of him. I was enamored with the glitter and gloss of the ‘perfect life,’” I use my fingers to make air quotes, “that being with him promised. That…maybe if I could have a perfect life, then maybe I was okay.”
Maybe I was worth something. Maybe I wasn’t a horrible person who let the one person who truly loved her die. Maybe I was worth loving.
I shake my head free of all these thoughts. “You probably think it’s stupid.”
“I think we all do things because we want to feel…worthy.”
I glance over to Killian, a sudden understanding settling over me. This was why he is the way he is, the reason he is so hard on his brothers, on me, on himself…he just wants to feel worthy.
“I almost married once,” he says.
I blink in surprise. “Really?”
“Lauren Moore. My high school sweetheart. I thought she was the love of my life. Asked her to marry me right after we graduated.”
“What happened?”
He let out a long breath. “She got a scholarship to study at a university in Boston. I was supposed to go with her…”
“But…?”
“My parents passed away. I was the only one of us boys who was over eighteen at the time.”
His words hit me full force in the chest. Killian gave up his future with the woman he loved to take care of his two brothers. To keep the farm going. He had to grow up fast. Everything made so much more sense.
“So you stayed.”
He nods.
“And she left.”
He nods again.
“That’s so sad.”
He shrugs, but I can see the pain he’s trying to keep hidden. It’s a wound that left a scar.
“She came back once to visit when her younger sister got married. With her American fiancé. I hear she’s happy. That’s all you can ever ask for someone you love, isn’t it?”
“Even if they’re with someone else?”
He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Even if the happiness they feel is because of someone else.”
How noble. But that’s so Killian, I think.
Would Fionn feel that way if I chose Aiden? Would Aiden feel that way if I chose Fionn?
I’m not sure either of them would.
Something tugs inside me as I study Killian’s profile. His strong brow, the way his thick lashes sweep the air when he blinks. The steady calm in his demeanor. Suddenly I want to reach out and touch him, to smooth out the furrow between his brows, to brush the hair from his eyes, to make him smile.
Lauren never deserved this man.
“Do you regret not going to Boston with her?”
He shook his head, surprising me. “I wasn’t the right guy for her. She was always destined for bigger things than this town, than this farm. Even if I moved with her to Boston, I knew deep down that I’d end up back here one day. She never would have come back with me.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
He lets out a laugh but it’s devoid of humor. “Someone has to be the mature one around here.”
I can sense the weight of responsibility he carries around with him like a mantle. I want to pull it off his shoulders just for a while. To stroke his hair, to let him rest his head on my shoulder.
I settle for nudging him with my elbow. “Come on, now,” I keep my voice light and carefree. “You’re a good-looking man with many admirable qualities...”
“I’m a grumpy fucking bastard. Nothing admirable about that.” He scoffs.
“Killian, you’re the most noble and honorable man I’ve ever met.”
He stares at me, blinking.
I place my hand over his resting on his thigh. “I mean it.”
To my utter surprise, his eyes fill with moisture. Before they can spill over, he turns his head away from me.
I go to pull my hand away but he entwines his fingers with mine, holding my hand just there.
I squeeze his hand.
He squeezes back.
For a moment we just sit there, avoiding each other’s eyes, our fingers entwined, the emotion making the air thick.
“That’s the nicest thing,” his voice cracks, “anyone has ever said to me.”
That makes me want to cry.
“You deserve someone who will say nice things to you every day,” I say.
He whips his face around towards me, his gaze locking with mine. Killian has been taking care of everyone else for most of his life. He has put the needs of everyone else—his brothers, his ex—before his. He needs someone to take care of him sometimes too.
Maybe… I want to take care of him.
His gaze drops to my mouth. As a response I suck in a breath, lips parting. I want him to kiss me.
He tugs his hand away and clears his throat. “We should go in.”
The moment is broken.
I sag, disappointed, but I nod and pretend that the rejection doesn’t hurt.
He climbs down first and I follow him.
“Careful,” he says from behind me. “That last rung is—”
My foot slips and I fall.
I don’t crash onto the ground. I fall right into a set of strong arms. Powerful, warm, enveloping arms.
“I got ye,” Killian says, his breath against my ear, making me shiver.
As he sets me down my back slides against his front, my entire being erupting into flames of need.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m turning around in his arms, grabbing him around the neck and pressing my lips to his.
He freezes.
He doesn’t want this. I’ve misread the situation.
I pull away, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I thought—”
He cuts me off with his mouth on mine. His hands tangle into my hair, holding me to him as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss.
His kiss, just like him, is strong and powerful, his tongue strokes steadily against mine. He is an anchor in this wild world. A steady presence.
It feels different from Fionn’s kiss.
Shit.
Fionn.
Aiden.
Guilt crashes through me like ice water. I can’t be doing this.
I tear away from Killian. He just stares at me, blinking, as if he can’t believ
e what we just did.
I am the worst person ever. I kissed Fionn, almost kissed Aiden and now I’m kissing Killian.
“Savannah—”
I push against him and he lets me go. I turn and run. I run back to the farmhouse and lock myself in the bedroom, unable to deal with this—with him, with Fionn or Aiden, feeling like I’m being crushed under the weight of all this guilt.
Killian
Lauren and I broke up once, but only for a month. Just after school ended.
The night that she ended it my da found me sitting outside on the porch in the freezing cold. He’d draped a blanket over my shoulders and patted my back and said, “One day, son, you’ll meet a girl who’ll make you realize why it didn’t work out with Lauren. She’ll stand out like a diamond among a sea of coal.”
I hadn’t understood what he’d been saying then.
I hadn’t believed him at the time because Lauren had been my world. The only woman I’d ever known.
Now, as Savannah’s kiss lingers on my lips, his words come back to me. And not since the last time I saw my old man have I felt as close to him as I do now.
Because I know. I finally understand what he was talking about.
I finally accept that Lauren and I were never meant to be.
I have found my girl.
The girl.
Savannah Wolff is my diamond.
Aiden
Fionn and Killian don’t think I know what’s going on. But I do. I can see the way they both look at Savannah when they think no one else is looking.
I see more than they do.
I see more because I look. I really look. When you don’t speak, it leaves a lot of room for observation.
I can see the way Savannah looks at them.
And…I can see the way she looks at me. I see the softness that crinkles at the corners of her beautiful eyes. The way her lips spread into a smile.
No woman has ever looked at me the way she does.
Without fear. Without pity.
Savannah is spending the day with me. I know it’s because she’s avoiding Fionn and Killian. They’re avoiding her, too.
Today we’re planting rows of seeds. She’s earmarked sections and planting herbs in between rows of vegetables as natural pesticides.